Because I have so many feelings I don’t have time for eloquence.
Because I started this blog with a post about Trayvon and here I am again.
Because anger seems to be the best motivation to put my pen to paper.
Because I am suddenly always angry.Because it’s not about me.
Because tweeting is not enough.
Because writing this is not enough.
Because I don’t know what more to do, but enough is enough.
Because maybe something I tweet or write will end up on someone’s timeline between Taylor Swift and pictures of food and they will feel guilty for just a second.
Because maybe I will always be older than my peers.
Because I am black.
Because I refuse to engage with racists online but I still read the racist comments.
Because I had to make a New Year’s Resolution to not read things that would make me angry and I broke that resolution Freddie Gray times…
I mean Alton Sterling times…
I mean too many times.
Because I wrote this at my desk.
Because I couldn’t make it through my work day without thinking about it.
Because police are not judge and jury.
Because the streets are not a court of law.
Because I wonder what would happen if it was me…or my brother
…or
…or
…or
Because it shouldn’t have to be me or someone like me or could have been me to feel empathy.
Because if it was me there is nothing in my past they could use against me.
Because they will always find something.
Because having a past doesn’t negate your right to life.
Because I don’t want to hear “but he did ___”.
Because I don’t care that you can “see both sides”.
Because on the battleground, there is no time to differentiate enemy from, “well I don’t know all the facts”.
Because if you are on the side of anything besides a man’s right to due process in a court of law you are on the wrong side.
Because police officers have the same right.
Because police officers wipe their hands of their crimes anyway.
Because I am continually prepared to be disappointed but it always stings.
Because I keep wondering what it would feel like to get shot.
Because I keep wondering what it would feel like for my family if I got shot.
Because I keep wondering what it would feel like for everyone I’ve ever met to be able to watch me get shot on-demand.
Because there are more ways to die at the hands of police than getting shot.
Because I used to support video cameras when I thought it meant evidence to convict.
Because without convictions videos are just public lynchings reminding black people that we can go at any time, for any reason, so we better be good.
Because when we go by the hands of the law, those hands are never painted red.
Because there’s no such thing as accountability.
Because it’s not just black people or lawful hands, but I can’t be expected to fight every battle.
Because I can’t be expected to hold the hands of the battlefield gawkers and say, “of course not all police…”
Because it is not my job to teach others why black people deserve to live.
Because it is not my job to explain why people should not be racist.
Because people should be better people.
Because I find myself constantly wanting to scream, “YOU CAN’T JUST SHOOT PEOPLE”.
Because the world screams back, “WE CAN IF WE WANT TO”.